Published in ILLUMINATION·May 1Welcome to Cautionary Tales — the Book of Funny Yet Tragic StoriesAll proceeds are going to a men’s mental health charity — A few months back, my friend Ryan and I decided to write a book of blue-collar work stories. Why? To raise money for a men’s mental health charity. We feel that the working man’s mental state and ability to cope with reality are under siege daily. …Humor3 min read
Published in ILLUMINATION·Mar 246 Ways Wearing Shoes Inside Your House is Like French Kissing the Sidewalk#3 Dog poop — People do some ugly, dirty things. Things like wearing their shoes and boots past their front door, right into their kitchen, living room, and (gasp!) bedroom. Some even lie on beds with their grime-encrusted peds. In my part of the world, this just isn’t done. Footwear comes off at the…Lifestyle3 min read
Published in ILLUMINATION·Mar 1410 Tight Reasons to Buy Our Shamelessly Plugged Book, Cautionary Tales1. Blocks nuclear radiation better than almost any other book with less pages — 2. Cautionary Tales Can Double as Emergency Poo Paper This book can double as bathroom tissue. From an actual reader’s review: “In the trades, or any profession for that matter, finding ways of making the day a little bit more enjoyable is often a necessity. On the job, one of the things that help keep us smiling is the…Books4 min read
Published in ILLUMINATION·Feb 28Putin Just Poured Ketchup in YOUR CoffeeWhat are we going to do about it? — You sit at a beautiful sidewalk cafe, sipping a cup of joe. It’s not a perfect brew, but it’s pretty good. As you look out on a sunny morning in this peaceful village, you are enjoying the shit out of it. Life is good. But there’s a bully who cares…Russia3 min read
Published in MuddyUm·Jan 25Stuck in the Drive-through With YouAnd I don’t know what it is I should do — Things were pretty tight the one fall. It wasn’t my first choice, but I got a job doing some pipefitting at a small installation in the middle of nowhere. The company set me up with a work truck and a helper to get the project done. …Humor5 min read
Published in ILLUMINATION·Jan 24Your Thirsty Subscription Asks Are Why I Stopped Reading (and Writing) StoriesStop asking so much for handouts — It’s desperate and unattractive — These desperate pleas for a subscription suck the life out of me every time I read one. Here are a few I collected in the last two minutes, from 15 random clicks. I modified them to make them more interesting. They started out bland and puke-worthy. If you enjoy reading…Writing Tips4 min read
Published in ILLUMINATION-Curated·Dec 17, 2021YOU Burn Fossil Fuels Daily, and There’s No Easy Way to QuitDon’t deny it; you’re a part of the problem — Do you live in North America? Then you use fossil fuels. You don’t need to own a car or even a home. Your very existence uses oil. And there’s nothing we can do short of death to stop quickly. It’s in everything. The only thing that is carbon neutral is…Environment7 min read
Published in ILLUMINATION-Curated·Dec 10, 2021Get Your Hands Off My Jungle BoxTwo truckers started a prank war — who will win? — For my first job out of school, I was a laborer for a trucking company that moved loads of heavy equipment, supplies, and rig mats all over in the bush. I was swamping for a trucker named Wayne. If you don’t know what a swamper is, I was the slave…Humor9 min read
Published in ILLUMINATION·Dec 7, 2021The Night We Met Marty the PartyMarty’s magical party powers took John from uptight to party god — Author’s note: this was translated from a thick Canadian Newfoundland accent. 1. John Was a Stick in the Mud I was on a small work crew that lived on the road, doin’ small construction jobs in the oilpatch. There were only five of us, including the new guy, John. John was from England. He was an uptight worrier…Humor6 min read
Published in Fanfare·Dec 6, 2021Ghostbusters: Afterlife — an Interview With a Lucky Fan Who Worked on Props, Behind the ScenesWho you gonna call? James, we called James — Jump into Ecto 1 and hang onto your proton packs! We interviewed James Dalton, prop maker and cosplayer. James builds his own Ghostbusters equipment, and he ended up working ON SET! We waited 32 years to see Ghostbusters: Afterlife — Starring Carrie Coon, Finn Wolfhard, Mckenna Grace, and Paul Rudd…Film5 min read
